Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Understanding Donald Trump: A perspective on Trump's behavior from someone raised by narcissists.

Disclaimer: **For some time now I have posted my own personal theories about extremist groups in the United States on the somethingawful.com. Among many pieces I have written about that topic is the one I am going to quote here, which is an elaboration (requested by several of my readers) on my personal viewpoint on Donald Trump. I am reposting it here by request from several readers.

It should be noted up front that I am in no way a credentialed expert (if I were then my entire piece here would be unethical) and as a result my work should be viewed with a healthy amount of skepticism. I am a diagnosed schizophrenic (also a transwoman) who was raised in a cult network that runs its own "christian" schools. This cult/school network exists because it was deliberately created in order to funnel office drones to work for the Republican Party in a bid to influence the culture wars. I realize just how absurd that claim sounds, so let me start this post off by posting this video of an actual advertisement for this school system.




This curriculum system and its political connections require a book length treatment on their own and as such I can only give a brief description here. This curriculum system was designed based on the Operant Conditioning Theory of B.F. Skinner, and is deliberately designed as a "Skinner Box" for children. It is delibertaley designed to mimic a corporate office environment, and a ssuch there are no lectures, no teachers, and no group projects. Students work on workbooks (Called PACE's, or Packets of Accelerated Christian Education) in total silence at their own mini cubicles. If they require assistance they can raise their flag to draw the attention of a "Supervisor" (often a barely paid volunteer with little more than a primary education) who wanders the room assisting students at their own discretion. (As you can imagine, favoritism is often massive in these schools and a Supervisor is able to easily sabotage a disliked student by simply ignoring their flag.)

My perspective on narcissists is based on my experiences being raised in this environment, as the leader of the particular cult I was raised in was a narcissist, as was my own Mother. (Who used me as her personal source of negative Supply) In my late teen years through my late 20's I was involved in a network of interconnected cults wherein I was part of the Inner Circle of a very severe narcissist. As a result of these experiences I have formed my own ideas about exactly how narcissism functions and what its root cause is.

It should be understood also that my own personal take on narcissism is a bit different from current psychiatric theories, although mostly in somewhat subtle ways that would require considerable explanation in and of themselves. Generally speaking though my own theory is a bit more specific than existing models, as well as positing a physical cause for (many, but not all) of the behaviors commonly associated with narcissists.

I lay all this out up front so that the perspective I am approaching this topic from is understood and that I and my theories are not mistaken for expert analysis. I am again not a credentialed expert, rather I am akin to Mowgli trying to explain how the jungle works.

With all that said I hope you enjoy my unique perspective on exactly "What the hell is going on" with Donald Trump.









(The following originally appeared on the somethingawful.com forums in response to a request from several of my readers to elaborate on my own theories about Donald Trump.)

To explain my analysis of what the impending Trump meltdown will look like (I am quite certain we are going to witness the rare instance of a narcissist dropping their mask and revealing their true ugliness, and I think we are going to witness it on live TV) I will first need to elaborate a bit on my perception of who Trump is and how his conflict with Hillary will play out.

As mentioned in earlier posts, Trump is a clinical narcissist. While many people understand that this means “a very selfish individual” I would like to explain that clinical narcissism is a bit more complicated than that.

A narcissist has at a deep psychological level a fundamental disconnect between reality and themselves. Specifically, they are completely unable to perceive themselves. Narcissists' have no self image, and no concept of a self image. They have no self awareness whatsoever. They are literally unable to think of themselves in the first person as you and I understand it. Their experience of reality is wholly different from our experience of reality as a result. They cannot perceive themselves or acquire information about themselves in any way except in the reactions of people around them. narcissists are often portrayed as obsessively staring into a mirror, and this is honestly a somewhat inaccurate way of portraying them in my view. narcissists are indeed staring intently into a mirror, but that mirror is the faces of the people around them. narcissists are like vampires in that they have no reflection in the mirror, they cannot see themselves. To think of it another way- the only surface that reflects a narcissists image is the faces of other people. And so they stare intently into the faces of others in order to see themselves.

If a narcissist is unable to see themselves they experience an unending sense of dread, a terror that they are artificial, not real. To relieve this sense of dread a narcissist is strongly compelled to force those around them to acknowledge them in some way, to react to them. (The stronger the reaction, the better, which is in large part what can compel the narcissist to such extremes of behavior) Watching people react to the narcissist provides them with relief to the immense and indescribable sense of dread the narcissist feels from being unable to think of themselves in a normal first person fashion. Not ONLY does this provide relief, but it can potentially also provide a massive rush of all the natural feel good drugs the human brain can produce. The sensation gained from these natural feel good chemicals being pumped through the narcissist’s body is what is called narcissistic Supply. (Hereafter referred to simply as “Supply”.)

All narcissists have a delusional and exaggerated false image of themselves that they cherish internally. While a narcissist is compelled to get a reaction (any reaction will do) from those around them in order to avoid the sense of dread that is the narcissist’ default mode, if the narcissist is able to generate a reaction in others that is consistent with the delusional self image the narcissist carries internally, then the narcissist not only finds relief from their identity crises, but they experience a powerful drug-like euphoria. This euphoric feeling is intensely energizing, the narcissist feels like an invincible Godbeing that can change the entire world according to their personal whim. narcissists are ADDICTS to this sensation first and foremost, and the behavior of a narcissist is best understood as that of an addict. The worst kind of addict at that- the kind of addict that has completely lost themselves to their drug. A narcissist is like an empty shell-human running on autopilot, a complicated meat calculator that exists only to experience pleasure (which can only be experienced while under the effects of Supply) and devotes itself exclusively to that goal. There is nothing else to the world of the narcissist except obtaining Supply, or if Supply is not available, then the narcissist will be instantly overcome by the horrendous sense of dread that is their true existence and will do whatever it takes to force a reaction from those around them in order to find relief from this dread.

To understand the behavior of a narcissist then it is important to recognize that what reactions generate Supply vary considerably from narcissist to narcissist. Think of it like this, a narcissist cannot see themselves except by using the faces of others as a mirror. If a narcissist does not have a mirror handy, they experience a tremendous sense of dread, so they will find a mirror (face of another) to stare into and they will do whatever it takes in order to get that mirror’s attention. The reflection the Narcissist sees in the mirror is a reflection of the behavior of the narcissist, and the reflection changes as a result. There is a specific reflection that the narcissist wishes to see, a specific way of seeing themselves reflected in others- the delusional false image that the narcissist carries of themselves. If they can see this particular image of themselves, then they experience the powerful euphoria of Supply. The idea here then is while any mirror and any reflection of themselves will do in order to avoid the sense of dread, seeing the deified version of themselves reflected in the faces of others is what the narcissist is truly seeking- it is their drug.

Supply then can be thought of as a potent and astonishingly addictive drug, a drug that generates a sensation of Godlike invulnerability and confidence, but more importantly for our discussion Supply is a drug where withdrawal symptoms set in instantly. That is to say, the very moment the rush of Supply is denied a narcissist, they instantly feel the full weight of the existential dread that is their true existence. They will seek more Supply immediately, and if unable to obtain Supply then they will resort to staving off the dread by generating a reaction in those around them. Think of a narcissist this way: They are a heroin addict that is addicted to a unique kind of heroin. This kind of heroin sets in instantly, and obtains its full euphoric peak instantly. This kind of Heroin has no overdose risk, the higher the dose the greater the pleasure, so cook the biggest dose you can afford every time. The drawback is that as soon as the dose wears off, the full power of opiate withdrawal sets in instantly. So those addicted to this specific kind of heroin go from experiencing the immense euphoria of a heroin high to experiencing the hellish depths of heroin withdrawal in the space of a single heartbeat. Also in the case of our special kind of heroin here, if an addict is experiencing withdrawal they can at least find relief from the withdrawal by abusing another opiate. It won’t get them high, but it will at least allow them to function.
One final unique quality to this special heroin is something I will call “peak tolerance”. What this term is describing is the idea that once a certain “peak”, or a certain level of euphoria is experienced on this heroin, tolerance builds in such a way that any lesser of a peak is muted and almost impossible to enjoy. It is sort of like enjoying a really good cookie, and being almost unable to find any pleasure at all from any cookie that is not at least as good for the rest of your life. narcissist experience peak tolerance in that once they have hit a certain peak of euphoria from Supply, they lose the ability to really enjoy a peak that is any less euphoric. It will always feel inadequate, and they will feel slightly cheated and will be driven to seek more Supply of a higher quality very quickly.
Returning to the discussion at hand, having the false image they project of themselves validated then is what creates a literal drug like state (Supply) the Narcissist orients their entire existence towards obtaining. Exactly what that false self image looks like varies from narcissist to narcissist, and is heavily influenced by personal power fantasies known only to the individual narcissist. Not every narcissist thinks themselves a hero, some narcissist relish being a villain and obtain Supply by being hated. Broadly speaking then, supply can be either “positive” (adulation) or “negative” (hatred) in nature, depending upon the taste of the individual narcissist. Some narcissists need negative Supply (Martin Shkreli) and base their lives around being publicly despised, some narcissists prefer positive Supply (Trump) and base their lives around having a godlike image of themselves be acknowledged as the truth (In Trump’s case he projects an image of “SUCCESS” without any nuance beyond that), still other narcissists need a balanced mixture (Milo Yiannapolis) of both positive and negative Supply- as a result they base their lives around being worshiped by their friends and hated/feared/loathed by their enemies.

Few narcissists are ever able to obtain enough Supply to prevent ever running out, they often live their lives constantly on the prowl for whatever Supply they can scrounge, learning to be patient predators if need be. A cycle of feast and famine comes to typify the existence of a narcissist and their unending quest for Supply, which they consume the first moment they can. Given the opportunity a narcissist will gorge themselves on Supply, they will consume as much as they can whenever the opportunity presents itself, and they will spend all their time and effort looking to obtain more Supply whenever they run out. They are consumption machines without much self control, they simply indulge in their drug whenever and wherever possible. Every once in a while a narcissist will hit upon a vein of Supply that can keep them high as a kite for months strait, and presented with the opportunity a narcissist will binge without hesitation. The binge will last until either the Supply runs out (most common) or the body of the narcissist cracks under the abuse of being constantly high on brain chemicals.


Like any other drug addict on a binge, a narcissist bingeing on Supply will eventually crash. The process takes much longer than normal with a narcissist than it does with other drugs for a few reasons, but the process is just as inevitable as it is with any other addict on a binge. First off, understand that to a narcissist their body is nothing but a tool to obtain Supply, and they only care for it insomuch as it is useful towards that purpose. As a result of this a narcissist can tolerate immense pain and easily push their bodies to the point of physical collapse if it is in the service of obtaining Supply. (That is to say, all the normal internal warning bells that would cause a normal person to stop physically pushing themselves can be simply ignored by a narcissist right up until they literally lose consciousness from exhaustion.) Next, another important reason that narcissistic binge can last many months is because it is ultimately caused by the bodies normal feel good chemicals, as a result tolerance builds much more slowly and fatigue sets in at a much more gradual pace.
That said, the process is just as inevitable as it is with any other addict on a binge- tolerance will build and the consequences of inadequate sleep will weaken the body. Even with theoretically infinite Supply a narcissist will eventually crash, if from nothing else than from sheer physical exhaustion. Their bodies will at some point simply give out, and leading up to that point is a long period of the euphoria and endless energy of Supply going from a 24/7 sensation, to weakening and then sputtering out to emptiness. As a narcissist begins to crash they make mistakes much more often because they are fatigued, and they become much more aggressive in their pursuit of Supply because they don’t experience even a fraction of the peaks they used too and they are internally panicked at then prospect.

Consider for a moment that at the start of his campaign, Trump could still make tactical concessions if he overplayed his hand. Remember this moment when Trump patted Ted Cruz on the back?

Trump jumped the gun and attacked Ted Cruz too early, he was roundly rebuffed by everyone from Rush Limbaugh to Anne Coulter. Trump had enough tactical sense to abandon that tactic when it was failing him. Compare this with the present whereby Trump is sticking to his guns on the judge Curiel attack despite it backfiring- Trump has been on a binge for a year now and fatigue is setting in, he is making mistakes because he is tired. 
Trump has been on the highest high of his entire life for a year solid now- as a result of the Supply he has obtained by running for President. He has probably only been sleeping 4-5 hours per night in that entire time, because he is absolutely compelled to indulge in as much Supply as he possibly can. Why is Donald Trump tweeting up a storm at 3 in the morning? Because Donald Trump is getting his before bedtime fix of Supply, and he is shooting himself up until he blacks out – like he always does. Why is Donald Trump running his campaign like he is the King and his advisers are nobles that must squabble with each other for the King’s favor? Because the whole purpose of Trump’s staff is to provide him with Supply, and nothing else. (Trump isn't building a Presidential campaign, he doesn't know how and he doesn't care.) Trump is building a group of people who will convince TRUMP that he is running a real Presidential campaign. And that is all he is capable of doing. Trump is fundamentally unable to run a real Presidential campaign, he doesn't understand the concept of it anymore than he understands Swahili. 

So to understand my analysis of the situation at present with regards to Trump and to understand where Trump is going to take all this I had to get all of that out of the way first, its very important to understand exactly what a narcissist is and why they operate in the fashion that they do.

At present I perceive signs of fatigue setting in with Trump, both physical fatigue and “Peak Tolerance” as well. Trump has been on the greatest binge of narcissistic Supply in recorded history, but his body is burning out now. He cannot feel the energy or euphoria that he felt for months solid quite like he used too, and he is making unforced tactical errors because he is fatigued. Trump’s fatigue combined with his (subconscious, but real) growing fear that he can’t feel the rush of Supply anymore he will begin to lash out. Whereas Trump was very good at picking targets to fight with in the past, binge fatigue Trump is going to increasingly start to just lash out randomly. Trump the charming nice guy requires high levels of Supply in order to exist, as Trump loses both his access to Supply (Trump needs almost pure adulation, and the press is not cooperating anymore like it used too) as well as his ability to enjoy what dwindling Supply he can acquire Trump is going to spiral out of control. Gone will be the famous charisma/rapier wit and in its place will be hot rage and accusations. Trump will feel cheated on a deep and subconscious level because Trump does not understand why he isn't experiencing the rush of Supply anymore, to Trump the euphoria of Supply is his “True Self”, the birthright he is owed for being such a godlike being. The euphoria if Supply is what Donald Trump bases his sense of identity on, without access to Supply his charisma will wither. He will feel as if he has had his true self forcefully taken from him, and he will seek a target to vent his anger at. The further this goes, the more any old target will do and the less selective he will be.


Where then is all this going to end up? I’ve gotten many requests both public and private to elaborate on my thoughts on the endpoint for a Trump campaign, and I have been very reluctant to respond. At this point however I think that events are progressed enough that what I am about to say will not seem nearly as outlandish as it would have sounded 6 months ago.

Basically, at this point Trump is in a tail spin that there is no escape from, this will all end very likely with Trump in prison for inciting riots/pockets of civil unrest. Trump has bought into his own hype and has convinced himself that he is the next POTUS, he has drunk deeply of the Supply of believing that he will be the most powerful person in the world. After experiencing that, there is no more getting high on Supply for Donald J Trump ever again. That is the ultimate “peak tolerance”, no Supply will ever be enough again. Trump is basing his life right now on creating an illusion that convinces primarily himself that he is leading a populist revolt against a corrupt political system, and Trump has already promised himself that he will be the amazing hero that sweeps into power and sets things right with but a wave of his talented hands. There is no plan for Trump beyond the expectation that he is the next POTUS, he already feels entitled too it, it already is a possession to him. It belongs to him and no one else. When it is taken away from him, he will react like the manchild addict that he is, he will incite violence. 

I wish it were not so, but I honestly cannot conceive of any scenario whereby Trump loses without trying to start a civil war. I’m not kidding, I think he will try to start one. I’m certain he won’t come close to succeeding, but he is going be deluded enough to think he can win, angry and entitled enough to try, and it will be the only path to power (Supply) he will see at that point. On top of that, once his defeat is official, shitloads of his supporters + significant portions of the militia movement will be calling for open violence anyways, he will just be echoing what his most vociferous supporters want.

What happens after that is hard to predict, because it is hard to know exactly when Trump’s full meltdown will come. It could be election night, it could be after he gets humiliated by Hillary Clinton on live television while 50+ million people watch. (We could see a full narcissistic Rage on the debate stage, Trump physically moving towards Hillary while calling her a cunt and threatening to have her killed is the most extreme scenario here but it has a real chance of happening.) It could be when the GOP does something at the RNC to assert its power over him in some way. Any of these scenario’s are possible, and there are certainly scenario’s that would trigger his full meltdown that I can’t begin to guess at. 

What happens when Trump does call for violence will depend on what the exact circumstances are that surround the situation when it happens as well as how much those calls are echoed. Various Christian church’s are openly agitating/preparing themselves for civil unrest, and they are being openly egged on by their leaders. See these videos :













We also have a situation where elected officials are doing the same thing. See Michele Fiore:



Over time we can reasonably expect this trend of all-but-openly inciting violence to continue and progressively worsen as the Trump campaign drags on.

So to conclude then we have a coming situation where a leader of an extremist political faction is going to be rebuffed from power and will likely react with calls for violence, and those calls are very likely to be echoed by an unpredictable number of religious leaders and elected officials. What happens then is impossible to say, who knows how many nutballs are really willing to answer the call and how many are just talk? Most of course are just talk, but there may be as many as a few thousand spread across the US that are willing to take it past talk if presented with the right circumstances.

I cannot really begin to guess what will happen once Trump’s meltdown occurs, nor can I really anticipate when his meltdown will happen at this point, although I might be able to spot the final warning signs right before it happens. I only hope that Trump continues to discredit himself as much as possible, the more his antics shake off his less hardcore supporters, the fewer supporters that will be potentially swept up into the inevitable endgame of all this.